Tell
by hotchityhotchhotch
Summary: Oneshot. Post-ep fic for the Season 7 finale, Hit & Run. Like it? Check out the semi-sequel, "Signs." COMPLETE.


**A/N: While I loved the Season 7 finale given the constraints of the Hotch/Beth relationship, I of course had to write my fantasy ending.**

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Hotch asked.

"Absolutely. But not now," Emily insisted.

"First thing tomorrow."

"It's a date."

"Okay."

Hotch knew he couldn't read into Emily's last three words out of context, especially given the fact that there was a perfectly nice woman in the next room, a woman of whom both he and his son had grown fond. Things were finally looking up in the Hotchner household. Inappropriate feelings had been tucked away for years now, surfacing only as words and gestures laced with subtext he figured Emily would never interpret as anything but friendly. Sometimes, over the years, though, he'd wished he would've slipped up a bit. He wished he'd said a few words or given her a look that said everything that was on his mind, in his heart. He wished he'd let her know inadvertently so that—if by chance she felt the same way and was willing to move forward—then he wouldn't be held responsible for making his feelings known. It would have been by accident. No one's fault. A love and trust as deep as that which they shared would at the very least result in a secret affair if it ever came to light that their feelings for one another were mutual.

But he'd stayed too true to character. Always careful. Meticulous, even. He'd let her know he cared, and that he was there, but tried not to drag her up for late evening office talks any more than he did anyone else.

Truthfully, things had been working all right. Beth was sweet, loving, reminded him of those sides of himself. Jack was growing up and happily so. Things were just fine.

But with those three simple words—"it's a date"—three words that he was fairly certain carried no romantic connotation—everything changed. It was the perfect storm, really. A wedding of two friends who'd put it off for too long. Romance in the air. The gentle waves of raven hair that graced Emily's downright angelic face. Her laughter tickling the air. The dress—a feminine touch she forewent so often lately as some way to assert her power in the workplace, as if someone as elegant and beautiful as what he looked at right now wasn't able to boss people around.

It all reminded him of where his heart had really lain all these years.

Hotch's mind was going a million miles an hour as he turned and left the room to search for his son and girlfriend. It was a good thing his back was turned to Emily at that moment, because if he'd seen the lost, love struck look on her face—the look he'd never let himself construe as anything but platonic concern—then all bets would have been off. He couldn't see that look tonight, not with the way his heart ached under the weight of them having something serious to talk about while it simultaneously thrashed in an effort to get him to go for it, to tell her.

No, if he'd seen her eyes as he'd walked out of that room, he wouldn't have been able to resist her. And that certainly would have turned out messy.

Since Rossi's phone call about the wedding, Hotch had been excited for an opportunity to do something romantic and a little different with Beth and to have Jack with them. To show Jack that, as his mother had put it in her final moments, love was the most important thing. So important that, sometimes, it just couldn't wait. But as he danced somewhat stiffly with the woman who had been so good to him, as he dipped her on the dance floor without much feeling, he couldn't help but start to wonder what message he was conveying to himself. Was he telling himself that love the most important thing, or was normalcy? Beth certainly gave him normalcy—as much normalcy as anyone could give him and Jack, anyway. And she made him happy. But was it love?

The answer to that question lay in the overwhelming warmth that engulfed every fiber of his being when he stole Emily from Dave for a dance. Her hand fit with inexplicable perfection inside of his, as if it had been molded that way. The feelings came flooding back with more force than ever before.

"You okay?" Emily asked only loudly enough for him to hear. They'd been dancing to stringed instruments for a long time now, not saying a thing. Hotch's tongue was a bit tied to say the least.

"Fine," Hotch said back, his voice almost failing to break a whisper.

"You just seem a little…frozen up. Ever since we talked inside," Emily said with a touch of concern. Guilt, even. "I didn't scare you or something, did I?"

"No. Just a lot on my mind," Hotch said. Like the replays of the last several years fast-forwarding in front of him. He'd almost lost her more times than he cared to count. Just yesterday he'd almost lost her twice. His thought process was problematic, because he had a wedding date. The dance with Emily was meant to be a quick one between friends. Yes, friends_._ But now that word sounded like a curse. The worst kind.

"Come on, spill," Emily said playfully, giving Hotch's hand an encouraging squeeze which he returned.

"I said I was fine," Hotch said with a nervous chuckle.

"It's your tell again," Emily said confidently.

"What is?"

"I can't tell you, remember? Then you'll stop doing it, and then I'll never know what's going on inside that broody head of yours. Seriously, did I spook you? Because my thing that I wanted to talk about…it's not a big deal."

Hotch backed away from Emily for a moment. "Not a big deal? It's a big enough deal for you not to want to talk about it here."

Emily conceded with a half-grin. "Okay, so it's kind of a big deal. I guess I can see why it would worry you."

"Well, now that we're on the same page," Hotch said, pulling Emily close to him at the same time that she nudged his shoulders toward her. He felt their talking had grown a little too loud, so he murmured what he had to say next. "You look beautiful tonight, by the way."

She giggled. Not like a little girl, but like a woman who spent so much time hidden behind a mask that her laughter was the perfect melody. She cleared her throat. "Thank you."

If she had been a bit more blasé in response to his compliment, maybe things could have turned back in a more appropriate direction. Eventually. Even after their talk tomorrow, whatever it entailed. Hotch could get over this little bump in the road. But Emily hadn't thanked him as he imagined she probably had a dozen other people tonight. Her voice had hitched in her throat. He'd caught her off guard with a compliment that shouldn't have surprised anyone half as stunning as she. Those words had meant something to her. Before Hotch could dig deeper, Emily spoke again, breaking the silence.

"I'd say you're looking pretty sharp, too, but you actually dressed down…"

"What, no tie is no good?"

"Never said that. Anyway…Kevin keeps pointing at me. Either I have a huge piece of food in my teeth or he wants to dance with me. So…" Emily said, relaxing her hold on Hotch's hand and shoulder.

"Thanks for the dance," Hotch said quietly. He peeled his feet off his spot on the floor and went off in search of Beth, wondering if there was still time to set his head straight.

—

Beth looked tense the entire ride back to Hotch's apartment, where she had met him and Jack for the ride to Rossi's house. Jack's head lolled to the side in deep slumber in the back seat of the car. It was well past his bedtime, dangerous territory given that he had school the next day. Hotch didn't look forward to getting him out of bed in the morning.

"Did you…have a nice time?" Hotch asked, breaking the silence in the car.

"I did," Beth said softly, fiddling with her hands in her lap. "Did you?"

"Yeah. It was good to see Will and JJ finally tie the knot. He asked her three years ago. Very long non-engagement."

Beth didn't crack a smile at Hotch's dry humor that she normally adored.

"What's up?" Hotch said, reaching across the gap between their seats to find her hand. She deprived him of it, though.

"I can see it," Beth said shakily.

Hotch had never heard her cry, but he wasn't a stranger to the emotional tells of women. He knew he was heading down a dangerous path when he said, "See what?"

"The way…" Beth stopped and sighed. "The way you look at her. And tonight wasn't the first time, but it kind of removed all doubt for me."

Hotch's heart sank. Had he been that obvious? Had he been so heartbroken over Emily that he'd been unable to disguise his emotions, and now he'd broken Beth's heart?

"Beth…" But he added no denial. He couldn't lie.

"It's okay," Beth said, forcing a smile and looking Hotch's way. To his relief, her eyes were dry. Sad, but dry. "Don't get me wrong, I really like you. I think you're an amazing person with a lot to give, but I'm not the one you want to give yourself to. Am I?"

Hotch tucked his lips inside his mouth and continued his search for Beth's hand. She finally let him find it. "I'm sorry. I thought that what you and I had going had potential. I did. I never would have introduced you to Jack if I didn't think we could be serious. I promise you that."

"I know. But you can't help who you fall in love with. And who you don't."

Hotch stopped at a red light and granted Beth some more prolonged eye contact. "Please tell me you're not…"

Beth smirked. "In love with you? No. Getting there? I don't know. Do I really _really_ hope there are other guys out there like you, one of whom will really bring the fireworks? Yeah. Like I said. You're a catch."

Hotch chuckled silently as he began to breathe a little more easily. "So are you."

"I know."

They both laughed together. It only reminded Hotch of someone else's laugh, though. He found himself wondering where Emily was right now. Where her heart was.

"I'm still sorry I didn't have the nerve to say something myself," Hotch said. "I shouldn't have let it get this serious if I didn't see a clear future."

"I shouldn't have either. It's okay. Can I ask you something, though?"

"Of course," Hotch said.

"Do you see a future with her?"

The light turned green and Hotch rolled through the intersection, only a mile away from home. It was certainly a good question. "For some reason, I don't. And to be honest, it scares me."

"Then promise me you won't let this end for nothing," Beth said firmly. "Go after her. Tell her how you feel."

"She did want to talk to me about something in the morning. I don't know what it is, though."

"I'm not saying you have to tell her tomorrow. Just tell her. Hell, if a guy had eyes like that for _me_, I'd wanna know."

"You're being too gracious," Hotch said sincerely. "Please at least tell me that if you-know-who weren't in the back seat, you'd be yelling a little. I deserve it."

"Yelling's not my style," Beth said. "Making my girlfriends take me out for a breakup bender tomorrow night? Yes. Letting them trash talk you a little? Yes. But you don't deserve to be yelled at. Smacked playfully, maybe…"

Hotch shrugged. "Go for it."

Beth smacked Hotch lightly on the knee. "There. Now get over yourself. Hey, umm, speaking of you-know-who…I don't want to completely bail. On either one of you. Like I said, I do like you. You're not detestable. And your kid is kind of irresistible."

Hotch smiled and eyed his sleeping son in the rear view mirror. "I know he really likes our bike rides. I don't see why they should have to come to an end. I'll just tell him we decided to be just friends."

"And if he asks why?"

Hotch didn't have an answer. Not one he would ever give Beth or Jack, anyway. He needed true love. To tell Beth would merely pour salt in the wound yet again, and to tell Jack would confuse him. So Hotch just shrugged. "I'll figure it out."

Beth patted Hotch on the back of his hand. "If it makes you feel any better, I think it's best if your romantic life were led by your feelings and not his. He's cute and all, but I don't see him paying the bills."

—

Emily was never one to disappoint. So when she showed up at his office with two mugs of crappy work coffee and shut the door behind her, Hotch wasn't surprised. "Morning," he said, his heart racing all over again. He'd hardly slept the night before, not drifting off until he'd rehearsed this moment dozens of times, finding himself disappointed with each iteration.

"Morning," she said with just as much hesitance as he was trying to hide. "You always come down for a second cup right around when I get in."

Hotch's lips turned up as he accepted his coffee. "Thanks."

"Is it just me, or did Monday come about twelve hours too soon?" Emily said, rubbing her forehead. "Then again, it always does."

"Truer words were never spoken," Hotch said lightheartedly. "So." He swallowed, tightening the knot in his stomach. As the night had worn on, as he'd tossed and turned and felt like vomiting, he'd realized he couldn't come up with the right words to say until he knew what was on Emily's mind. "What's up?" He sat forward in his chair, arms on his desk.

Emily hunched a bit over her knees. One of her other tells.

"Clyde Easter offered me the chance to direct Interpol's London office," she said all in one breath.

Variations of Emily leaving the BAU had run through Hotch's mind as possible conversation topics. But he'd never expected a transfer overseas. What little courage he'd built up over the last few hours came crashing to the ground. "Oh. Are you…accepting, or just looking for my advice?"

Emily shrugged and shook her head at the same time. "I keep…seeing these signs that it's time for me to move on. I still haven't found my way back into this job, into this team. And the house falling through, and then almost dying a couple of times this weekend…it's all kind of hard to ignore."

"I can understand that," Hotch said, wishing he could accept it, too. "But London? That's a ways away. Not that you're a stranger to Europe, but still."

Emily looked into Hotch's eyes. "What's keeping me _here_? And don't tell me _bar nights with the team_. Those happen once every two years. And I know how busy this job keeps you the other…729 days in between. I'd get another job, stay in the area, expecting to still fit into your guys' lives, but I wouldn't. JJ has Will, Garcia has Kevin, Morgan has…Morgan, Reid likes his downtime, Rossi has cigars and writing and lecturing and…pasta," Emily cracked. "And you have Jack. And Beth. Tell me where I fit in with any of that."

Just like Emily's three simple words the night before, the tears that rimmed her eyes gave Hotch the tiny speck of hope he needed. "Beth and I actually…aren't together anymore."

Emily's mouth fell open just a touch. "What? Why?"

Hotch pondered how best to answer this. _She wants to move to London. It's now or never. Crush her dreams and hope you're making more of them come true._

"Because…there's somebody else that I've…had my eye on. Beth called me out on it, broke things off more amicably than I deserved. She told me to go after what I really wanted."

Emily licked her parted lips unconsciously. "Can you be…less vague, please?"

"Really? I didn't think I could be less obvious," Hotch admitted. "Can you tell me one more thing before I answer?"

"Maybe."

"Is your heart really set on leaving the team?"

Emily's eyebrows slanted glumly, and she nodded. "That much I know is true. Eventually, yeah, I need to go. Why?"

Hotch wondered if Emily was just pulling his leg. If Beth had seen it, how could Emily not?

"Hotch," Emily said. "Why?" she repeated.

"I just needed to make sure that what I'm about to say wouldn't be a waste. Because if you stayed on the team, it would be."

Emily tucked her hair behind both ears and gave Hotch the most cautious of once-overs. "If you're about to say what I think you are, then can we maybe talk about it over dinner instead of at work?"

Hotch suddenly got a weightless feeling. He half believed that if he were to jump out of his window right now, he would simply float away. Once he found his voice, he said, "So you're…let me get this straight. You're staying?"

"Don't get me wrong," Emily said, "it's an amazing job opportunity and I'm suited for it. But Interpol isn't just in London. I still haven't accepted the offer and I could be swayed to pass it up," she said, her words trailing off into silence.

"What'll it take to sway you?"

Emily smiled coyly and got up from her seat. "Dinner at Komi on…Wednesday night. With a tie, please."

"It's impossible to get reservations—you know what," Hotch said, cracking a grin, "I'll make it happen. Wednesday night. It's a date."

**A/N: PLEASE leave a review! This was one of my favorite oneshots to write and given that it's an alternate exit to Emily (super significant) and it's my 100th story (Well, it was before I went and deleted all my smut :P), it would mean a lot to me to hear what you think!**


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